After an Abortion

For about six years I worked in an abortion clinic.  This generally sparks a lot of feelings in people, most of which is general curiosity.  Which I welcome!  I tend to get a lot of questions about what I did (short answer: I started out as a counselor that supported women through their procedures and eventually went on to run their counseling program), if I liked it (short answer: I loved my job) and if I felt any differently about my time there now that I have children (short answer: No. Definitely not).

At the clinic we knew that if women felt confident in their decision, felt supported by someone around them and that they weren't being coerced by anyone that they would likely cope well after their abortion.  And the largest group of psychologists in the United States agrees (read more). In fact, women are at a higher risk of mental health issues if they are denied an abortion (more on that).

The reality is, after having an abortion, most women feel a combination of sadness and relief.  But abortion is a socially charged issue and so we tend to pick apart these emotions and try to label them as right and wrong.  I remember a patient who came to see me a few weeks after her abortion who was struggling with the fact that she didn't feel more sad.  Or, those patients who were sad about their decision and a little surprised by the relief they were experiencing.

Have you ever been through a divorce or its equivalent?  Have you ever had to move to another city because of a job?  Life is full of experiences that leave us with complex and at times conflicting emotions.  We make decisions based on the information that is in front of us.  We can know with all of our hearts that it is the right decision for us and still feel sad that it is the best decision. 

I trust women.  I trust them to make decisions about their lives and their existing and future families.  I also trust that grief and healing are an individual process that look different for everyone. 

If you are finding yourself tangled in "shoulds" or lost in grief, reach out.   Find someone you can talk to who will listen, without judgment of your experience.  Because what is mentionable becomes manageable and I trust you have the ability to come out on the other side.


When Birth Ain't All That Beautiful

Giving birth is an amazing, beautiful thing.  Except when it's not.  Or, maybe you're overwhelmingly happy that your baby is healthy and safe, but in the end the whole thing left you feeling detached... or sad that it wasn't what you imagined or worse, scared because the experience was so traumatic.

Many new moms feeling the "baby blues" may not realize that the way they feel is connected to their birthing experience. Traumatic birth experiences include feelings of helplessness, loss of control or imminent danger to you or the baby during childbirth.  

Did you feel left out of the decision making during your labor and delivery?  Was there an emergency with you or the baby? 

Consider reading more on traumatic birth and know that getting support can help you to heal and be the mom you want to be.

The Far Reach of Trauma

Trauma is a hot topic these days.  And that's a good thing!  Except...not all understanding of trauma is equal.  Your therapist, your doctor, your yoga instructor--they (hopefully) all know that having a basic understanding of trauma is important.  They know that if you were abused as a child, the ramifications of that experience can be seen throughout a lifetime.  They know to ask you about it and probably write it down somewhere.

But a trauma informed clinician? They know there's more to the story.  A trauma informed clinician knows that trauma has the ability to take root into your history and then, with time, grow and stretch and sprout out over your life in ways you might not notice.

Having difficulty communicating with your partner?  Suddenly anxious as your child entered kindergarten?  Do you have a chronic health problem that's been difficult to treat?  If you have experienced a distressing or disturbing event in your life, trauma is likely playing a role.

You may have packed up and left your past behind long ago, but your trauma hitched a ride.  Ask your doctor or therapist more about how they understand trauma's role in our mental and physical health.